Why is Your Blood Pressure so High? Part Two

(Part One if you missed it.)

My mother and I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart for some last minute supplies, like velcro.  I had never really experienced the belly rubbing by a stranger, or someone asking a bunch of inappropriate questions.  Guess what?  Wal-Mart fabric ladies can talk.  I wasn't supposed to have left the house and as much as this woman was jabbering on, I had a good case for false imprisonment. 

Part of the deal with going to the hospital was that I had to go in late in the afternoon and get some stuff done so that the baby could come out.  (It was more complicated than that but it's more that the internet needs to know about my girlie parts.)  It involved the airplane landing lights coming down from the ceiling and focusing on areas of my body that have never been so illuminated.  And lots of saline.  And it was not pleasant.  I sent TP home afterwords.  Nothing was going to happen until they started the pitocin in the morning.  Lost was a repeat, and my evening nap was interrupted by phone calls form the office to ask me questions about the tax return. 

Sleeping in the hospital wasn't so bad, and the saline business was over in the middle of the night.  When I got up and took a shower, I was so whacked out I didn't take my bra off.  At about 5, they started the pitocin and my doctor came in and broke my water.  I expected a baby by, you know, 7:30.  If I wanted an epidural, I was told to go ahead and get it, since they were about to start some c-sections, and it might get ugly before they could get back.  I took them up on this offer.

The rest of the time was pretty boring.  Except the epidural didn't want to work on the left side of my body.  I had to lay on that side so the medicine would stay over there.  But mister stubborn baby didn't like the left side, he wanted to lay on the right side.  But I wasn't listening to any of that backtalk. And I went to sleep.  With an oxygen mask on.  And when I finally turned over he decided that he was ready to come on out.  "Ha!  I'll show you Mom, you do what I say!"  The whole time I was pushing he was shaking his head no.  He knew it was going to be Taco Bell detox once he was out, and he wasn't having any of that business. So they got out the vacuum. 

And then he was here.  And big (7lbs 15 oz and 21.5 in long).  And I was getting sewn up in places that should never come in contact with a needle and thread.  Some strange men also flitted though, I think they were the epidural people, but at that point as long as they weren't carrying guns, I didn't care.  I had birthed the 13th child of the day.  And my doctor could pick up her kid from daycare on time.  It was 4:29 pm, and he still had no name.

Since there were so many babies, he had to go to the nursery for all his maintenance.  I didn't see him again for two hours, but TP was with him.  They moved me to another room.

Notes for future deliveries:

1. There is milk in there, it just has no way to get out.  Just go ahead and feed the next one formula.  We'll take what we can get once we get home. 

 

2.  Cake is good. But bring forks. 

The next day the social security office called and demanded a name.  Since TP was on his way to the hospital, I told them they would have to wait.  We finally decided after some initial testing (you do remember that I am married to an engineer, don't you?) on the marker board, and Mr. Cheeks was legal.  One more night in the hospital and we got to go home. 

As we were getting ready to go, a group of parenting class attendees came to look at the nursery.  The poor things peeked into our room timidly like we were a carnival sideshow and they were still unsure as to whether they were ready for the freak show.   I really wanted to scream "Oh My God, you mean I have to take him home now??!!" and see what they would do.   Maybe a fake tussle with the nurse to try and escape. 

I think the most ringing endorsement of our parenting abilities came from one of the nurse's aides at the hospital.  It was cooler outside than it was the day  we checked in.  One of the nurses asked if we had a blanket and we said that we did.  She said she didn't think it would be enough, and I told her that for the one minute he was going to be exposed to the outside air I thought we would probably make it.  He even had a on a hat, for Pete's sake.  The little aide looked up at me after the nurse left and said, "You're going to be a great mom."

Coincidentally, the only poop accident we have ever had was in the outift I purchased specifically for the child to come home it.  And while I was waiting at CVS for an HOUR (an hour painfully spent in a hard chair) for pain medicine, TP was out in the car keeping the sun off Mr. Cheeks, who was busy pooping.  Which would have been great if he wasn't mildly jaundiced and in need of some sunlight, Dad. 

Mr. Cheeks has been in our care for six months now, and I think we've done ok.  The pretzel stick with a heartbeat has totally taken over my heart.  I don't even remember what it was like before him, our lives were empty and we didn't even know it. (No offense, dogs.  We love you lots too. Although you stink more than Mr. Cheeks does.)

You've filled our lives with joy, like you fill that spot in the middle of the bed from 2 am until 7.  For some reason, there was always enough space for you there, even before we ever thought about you.  If I'm leaving space for you in the bed, I don't know what more of a ringing endorsement I could give you.  I made your father sleep on the couch 3 months of your gestation period. 

Here's to another six months, Peanut.  We love you, and can't wait to see what you amaze us with next (as long as it has nothing to do with poop). 

Comments

[tanyetta]

loved the story. ;)

[Samantha Jo campen]

That little outfit is so snuggly and cozy and cute. Ohmylord I love that picture.

Great story! And you're right--you DID end up with a baby! Congrats:-)

[Mrs. CPA]

It also cost me an arm and a leg. But totally worth it. How can you not get something that has TINY FROGS on it?

[CPA Mom]

Oh, Oh Oh, he is so cute, I want to pick him up and take him home. Not in a weird, kidnapping way but in a way that makes me remember those first few days with my children.

Oh and the CVS thing, I would have totally gone home and sent my husband back out for the medicine. "cause I'm a diva like that.

[Silly Hily]

Oh girl, I've got you beat...Silly Boy was 9.4 lbs. I still can't believe I had a baby that big.
It sounds like Mr. Cheeks got your height though b/c he was indeed long.
That was a great story. I loved it. You told it so well. Thank you for sharing.